Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Randomize
