i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
