Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
