I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
