So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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