why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Randomize
