So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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