wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
