dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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