I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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