And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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