Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
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I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
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I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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