Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize