you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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