i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
