I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I need to wash the frat house off of me
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
