Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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