Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize