sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
