Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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