I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
