Please, let me fuck your mom
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
