HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
