38 yer olds are good kisserssss
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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