you traded sex for a burrito?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
