You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
