yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
