I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
she peed on how many people?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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