party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
