can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
