So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I can't turn off my feet"
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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