It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
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Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
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The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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