Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
