Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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