someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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