Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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