the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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