I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize