Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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