I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
My dick has a subreddit
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
