Joe is yelling at the trees again.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
