She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
