I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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