her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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