You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
