So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
