All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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