Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
