im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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