I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I hate ducks.
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
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Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
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1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....