Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Sexist Restaurant Owner Tells Woman To ‘Keep Her Legs Open’ After Firing Her
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
19 True Stories So Scary You May Never Turn The Lights Off Again
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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