your thong is hanging out like whoa
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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