and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Randomize
