She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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