If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
