Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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