idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
