Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I can text with my tongue
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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