I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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