Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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