So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
