just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
